I generally keep my swearing to myself. I do it in my head, as I think it can look a bit rough, and can make people feel uncomfortable, and you never know when there's going to be a kid within earshot.
However, mucho swearing today, and so mucho swearing in this report. Because it's fucking necessary.
Firstly, I was windy when I woke up. Bollocks, I thought.
I got my stuff together, it started at a decent time, so no rushing about, but I got 5 miles down the road and realised I'd forgotten my number belt, so had to go back and get that.
Parking was quite easy, and I only took a big bag with me instead of my box, to save making trips to the car. This was my first mistake. ALWAYS TAKE THE BIG BOX.
The weather was dull, but I didn't think it would rain much. It sodding well did. It bucketed it down. Everything got drenched.
This is before the start, and before the rain -
This the free towel!
This is my bike ready to go.
So firstly, the swim. I was in the slowest heat, and was regularly tapped on the foot by people who wanted to overtake. At one point I stopped to let one by, and the other three were so close behind him, I let them all go. I completely forgot how to swim. My form was rubbish. I saw the others get out when they're lengths were done, the pool was emptying and I had 10 lengths left to do, I felt pretty low swimming up and down by myself, like a total impostor who shouldn't be in the pool. But then the counting bloke taps me on the head and tells me I have 2 more to go??? What the fuck is up with my counting skills?!
As it was, I was third from last out of the pool in general. I then wasted a huge amount of time trying to find my shoes outside the pool door. A man helped me look, as it was he was actually standing in front of them, which was why I couldn't see them. Second lesson, always make a proper mental note of where I leave things.
Then there was a 150m run through a underpass and round the side of the sports centre to the car park. During this run the second to last swimmer overtook me. And the third overtook me early on in the bike.
The bike was STUPIDLY uphill. People had said, and they weren't bloody kidding.
However, I saw a woman ahead and overtook her. She have been ahead of my on the uphills, but the downhills were equally steep, and I think she must have been a bit scared. All the while, it's raining, and then hailing, and the third lesson ALWAYS TAKE BIKE GLASSES. So much hail in my face. Blinding. Sore. Awful.
The good news is I didn't need to pee. I did however, have a blinding headache. I worked hard on the swim, and often got a face full of water when I was hoping to breathe, and then all the uphills, my brain was very oxygen deprived. I drank out of my areo bottle, and was alarmed to see blood all over the straw. A cut had appeared on my lip, and my tongue, and I have no idea how it happened.
I get back to transition for the run, my bike shoes are drenched, and my trainers, which have been sat out, were soaked and full of hail. The run was all uphill to start with, and on the downhill my boss was in his front garden, so it was nice to get a cheer from him.
So, including the looking for shoes and run round to the car park, my swim time was 24:18. I'm quite happy with that, as I think it was probably actually 21:00 ish of swimming, if not less.
My first transition was 01:40.
My bike was very slow, 55:08
Second transition 00:56
And this bit I'm chuffed about, the 5k run was 27:20. That a PB of 01:18.
I was so sodding wet. So cold. My dry clothes to change into got drenched in my bag. I sat on my free towel and drove home in my tri suit with my soaked sweatshirt over the top.
It's now warm and sunny. The god of triathlons is a cruel god!!
I originally thought I was second from last, but since seeing the actual results, I was fourth from last, so much happier with that!
Probably the best way to describe the whole thing is a 'Special Hell'.
Awful, but I'm absolutely doing it again. And again.